i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
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Even my vagina gasped.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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