i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
