he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm like, not good at living.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
