So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
