I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
