eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
