there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
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This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
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Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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