my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
