you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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