Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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