Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
