He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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