I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
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Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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