so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you would pick up someone in the library
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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