Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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