question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
