So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
