I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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