THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
