I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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