Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
