I hate your face
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
