I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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