I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
