Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me i tasted like america
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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