had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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