She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
