Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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