Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
