I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
