I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
