Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Ketchup is God's man juice
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
