i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
