there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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