Sry I called you an 8
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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