dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
