the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
