You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
