my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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