Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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