why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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