i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
