The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
