Swine flu. Run for my life!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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