So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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