she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize