you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
