Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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