also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
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