i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
it hurts more in the daytime
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
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It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
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Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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