You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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