haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
