Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
