We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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