if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
