Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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