Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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