Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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