Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
