the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
