I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize