On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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