We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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