Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
