Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So vagazzling was a success
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
